SMILERS - Some Good Ones!

I thought today would be a good day for some silliness and fun. Hope you enjoy!

1. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

2. How do you catch a tame rabbit?Tame way. Unique up on it.

3. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

4. How do you get holy water. You boil the hell out of it.

5. What do fish say whey they hit a concrete wall? Dam!

6. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

7. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

8. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

9. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.

10. What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro Sinko

11. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

12. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite

13. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and witches? A nervous wreck.

14. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

15. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

16. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

17. Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the dog.

18. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.

19. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag.

20. Why old Pilgrims' pants always fall down? Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat.

21. What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, whack, dang! A bad skydiver goes Dang! Whack.

22. How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? Somebodies going to lose a trailer.

SHORT & FUNNY

I dialed a number and got the following recording
"I am not available right not, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.

I am making some changes in my life.

Please leave a message after the Beep.

If I do not return your call.

You are one of the changes."


Aspire to inspire before you expire.


My wife and I had words,

But I didn't get to use mine.


Frustration is trying to find your glasses with out your glasses.



Blessed are those who can give without remembering.

And take without forgetting.



The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around,

you're not going anywhere.


God made man before woman so as to give him time to think.
Of an answer for her first question.


I was always taught to respect my elders.
But it keeps getting harder to find one.

CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS

Here are some one-liners that have been around but thought I'd post them today. Have a wonderful summer day.

DON'T LET YOUR WORRIES GET THE BEST OF YOU; REMEMBER, MOSES STARTED OUT AS A BASKET CASE.

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MANY FOLKS WANT TO SERVE GOD, BUT ONLY AS ADVISERS.

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IT IS EASIER TO PREACH TEN SERMONS THAN IT IS TO LIVE ONE.

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THE GOOD LORD DIDN'T CREATE ANYTHING WITHOUT A PURPOSE,

BUT MOSQUITOES COME CLOSE.

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PEOPLE ARE FUNNY; THEY WANT THE FRONT OF THE BUS,

THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, AND THE BACK OF THE CHURCH

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OPPORTUNITY MAY KNOCK ONCE,

BUT TEMPTATION BANGS ON YOUR FRONT DOOR FOREVER.

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QUIT GRIPING ABOUT YOUR CHURCH;

IF IT WAS PERFECT, YOU COULDN'T BELONG.

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SOME MINDS ARE LIKE CONCRETE...

THROUGHLY MIXED UP AND PERMANENTLY SET.

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PEACE STARTS WITH A SMILE.

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I DON'T KNOW WHY SOME PEOPLE CHANGE CHURCHES;

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHICH ONE YOU STAY

HOME FROM ?!

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WE ARE CALLED TO BE WITNESSES,

NOT LAWYERS OR JUDGES.

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BE YE FISHERS OF MEN.

YOU CATCH THEM - HE'LL CLEAN THEM.

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DON'T PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD PUTS A PERIOD.

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FORBIDDEN FRUITS CREATE MANY JAMS.

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GOD DOESN'T CALL THE QUALIFIED, HE QUALIFIES THE CALLED.

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GOD GRADES ON THE CROSS, NOT THE CURVE.

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GOD LOVES EVERYONE BUT PROBABLY PREFERS

"FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT" OVER "RELIGIOUS NUTS!"

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GOD PROMISES A SAFE LANDING, NOT A CALM PASSAGE.

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HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONTROLS YOU!

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IF GOD IS YOUR CO-PILOT - SWAP SEATS!

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PRAYER:

DON'T GIVE GOD INSTRUCTIONS -- JUST REPORT FOR DUTY!

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THE TASK AHEAD OF US IS NEVER AS

GREAT AS THE POWER BEHIND US.

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THE WILL OF GOD NEVER TAKES YOU

WHERE THE GRACE OF GOD WILL NOT PROTECT YOU.

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WE DON'T CHANGE THE MESSAGE,

THE MESSAGE CHANGES US.

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YOU CAN TELL HOW BIG A PERSON IS

BY WHAT IT TAKES TO.....DISCOURAGE HIM.

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THE BEST MATHEMATICAL EQUATION I HAVE EVER SEEN:

1 CROSS + 3 NAILS = 4 GIVEN.

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