Saturday, June 25, 2011

TRYING TO ANSWER "WHY?" and DEALING WITH PAIN

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."  C.S. Lewis

I had copied this quote down some time ago (wish I had dated it!) and this morning as I was pasting another quote onto that page this JUMPED out at me.  Nor do I know how long ago C.S. Lewis penned those words.  What I do know: no words could, at the moment, better express my thoughts and feelings as I try and reconcile my strong faith and belief in my Triune God and His Written Word and the pain I am feeling with my precious Suzette being taken to Heaven at this time.

I KNOW that God's plans and purposes are perfect and that He desires nothing but good and the best for His beloved body, of which I am a part.  I also know, as one of the condolence cards I received so aptly said, that when I get to Heaven I will no longer ask "why" but say only two words, "of course". 

I also KNOW that it is totally foolish to even ask "why" because that is the one question God never answers.  Even when Christ asked "why have you forsaken me" on that Cross.....no answer came from God.   Yet as human beings we always seem to not only ask "why" but believe somewhere, some place, some how we will get an answer!!

Yes, God's best for me at this time is undoubtedly THE most painful thing I've ever been called upon to go through, and yet I do and will trust. 

How could I not when I serve such a God and have seen His hand, direction and work in my life these many long 73 years?

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20 comments:

Mari said...

Susan, this is such a wonderful testimony. I think that quote is so true. I also feel that when speaking of faith, I have faith that God can do the things I ask, but often doubt in feeling that He will.
Your praise in the huge storm you've undergone is so uplifting to all who know you.

Susan said...

Mari - Thanks for your sweet comment. I've just tried to share in an honest way, here on this blog and with my church family, my thoughts and feelings as I'm working my way through all the ups and downs and emotions that are involved. It's such a comfort to know that we truly are in the hands of a loving God. Don't know how people who don't have that make it. I COULDN'T!!!!

Mary Lee said...

Amen

Mari said...

Susan - I agree on your comment about making it through hard times without God. I couldn't do it either. In my work I often see families dealing with a family member declining and passing away. I can tell you that it is often very apparent who knows God. In those situations, although there is still pain and sadness, like you, they have that promiose to hold on to, along with the strength God gives to get through.

Betty said...

I know it must be so hard to live those words, you wrote in the quote. It´s just not "natural" to have your child die before you/we do. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Carmen said...

Yes, it is all about trusting God. I'm so sorry for your loss and have been checking in on you now and again. He has given us all things, and He has sacrificed all...so we must trust Him through the things we don't understand knowing He is a loving God and never gives us more than we can bear, and always brings things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. I don't speak to you frivolously - I was bitten in the face by a dog last Monday, so I too am going through a bit of a journey of trusting and knowing He is faithful. Blessings my sister!

Marie said...

I went back and read about your beautiful daughter and her wonderful story with her loving family beside her. I send you my sympathy.
Love and hugs,
Marie

Kansas Bob said...

Grief is such a difficult territory to navigate Susan. A grief counselor once told me that a person either walks through grief or they circle around it for a long time. I think that you are doing a courageous job walking through it by sharing in the beautiful way that you did here.

The movie Shadowlands helped me to grieve the loss of my first wife. It was a very hard movie to watch because of the extreme emotion that CS Lewis had when his wife Joy passed away. But it helped me to see that even the most spiritual among us has to deal with unanswerable questions and pain.

Many blessings, Bob

~Ginger said...

My heart hurts for you daily as I think of myself walking in your shoes and it's beyond my comprehension. I take hope in the promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Although this is a journey you never dreamed of being on, I know your faith will see you through until you see Suzette face to face as together you enjoy the splendor of heaven. May each difficult hurdle bring you one step closer to resting completely in Him.

Humble wife said...

I believe that you are correct, we ask why often, instead of waiting. As the Creator made us He knows this about us. So as I ponder your sharing a very real, emotional time with us, I realize that why, for you is not in stomping of the feet, but of why? my heart aches...my soul fills with tears...my years are anticipating a reuniting with my angel. Why must I feel pain, knowing You Lord. It is understandable and by your sharing allows me to see that we will endure pain here...as we live in a fallen world and are in great need of our Savior.

I pray that you and Mickey are comforted in the why...I pray I can have a faith as strong as you have witnessed to us all. I pray that the pain is lifted in time and that the emptiness is filled with joy once again.

Momma Roar said...

Your expression of emotions and honesty on this blog are what first drew me to you - and continue to bring me here. I love you for that!

I watched a video of a pastor, Craig Groeschel, while at the beach with my girlfriends earlier this month. He was saying one of the biggest things that keeps the generations apart is that we aren't real with one another. This is what I so appreciate about you - that you share your heart and not what you think people want to hear...there's already too many people doing that! ;)

I'm saddened by your loss - for your whole family - but I trust God is comforting you and will bring you through. I pray that the words you express here, on your blog (and facebook) will comfort many others!!

Sandra said...

I have no doubt that if we could see the whole picture and have our questions answered right now of 'why',we would still hurt and mourn for our loss. That's how God made us....from love. And when we truly love someone, that someone becomes part of our being. When that someone is taken away from our being, love is then intertwined with grief. If we never loved, we would never grieve.

Midlife Mom said...

Blogger just ate my comment so I will try again. I haven't been around much lately so did not know that your precious daughter went home to be with our Heavenly Father. May He wrap His arms around you and your family and give you the comfort that only He can give at these times. We know He doesn't make any mistakes in His timing. Your faith is strong and my hope is that it will draw others to the Lord! xoxoxox

Cheryl @ The Farmer's Daughter said...

I'm well acquainted with grief having lost my mother and brothers to a devastating and fatal disease, Lou Gehrigs. Also our pastor to a car wreck and other friends who've passed suddenly. I often asked why and, as you know, I didn't get an answer. Grief can be very lonely and painful even though we have faith and trust in God who loves us. As they say, time will help ease the pain, too. I'm so sorry you had to lose your beautiful Suzette. You are indeed being a wonderful witness in sharing and praising the Lord through your grief. Hugs, Cheryl

pearlie said...

Love this phrase of yours - when I get to Heaven I will no longer ask "why" but say only two words, "of course". 
And yes, Lewis' statement rings so true as well. I remember reading somewhere that death is as if God misses us so much that he brings us home to be with him. Undoubtedly, we will all meet again one day.

Susan Skitt said...

Continuing to trust the LORD as He carries us through the pain, that is what we are to do. Amen! Yesterday (June 30th) it has been 19 years since the LORD took my first husband home to Heaven at the age of 28. Our son was 9 months old at the time. I was just reading in the book of Joshua the other day and twice within two chapters we are told to "Hold fast to the LORD." I underlined it and made notes. (Josh. ch. 22:5 & 23:8) Praise God He never lets us go! We are held safe in the palm of His hand!

Sohailah said...

Love you, Friend. Thank you for your honesty and consistency. Peace on you.

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

Your faith never ceases to amaze me! So many in your position question their faith at times like this, I know I did when I was in high school and my father passed away.

Jenileigh said...

I have no words of wisdom only a hug from cyberspace. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I've gone back and read what happened and I could not stop the tears. I simply cannot imagine. I love you Susan. May God comfort you as only He can.

Barbara Pask said...

Hi Susan, First time I have visited you, I found my way her through Sunnys blog. I read your comment about your daughter. I just wanted to say how very very sorry I am to hear of your loss.