MARKING TIME

 Suzette and I - 2007

Celebrating our December Birthdays

Me 70 - Suzette 53

Christmas 2008

This was my "silly gift" to the girls. 

Suzette - Oksana - Jessica - Jacque - Susan 

October 2008 - In Oklahoma City during Mickey's Heart Bi-Pass

We were so worried about him having this procedure at age 75

 Our last official family portraits - December 2008

 Christmas 2009

The shirts were Suzette's little gift for the girls.

Susan - Suzette - Jessica - Oksana - Jacque

(the girl on the end was a friend of Jessica's that joined us)

SEPTEMBER 28, 2010

The day this family would be changed FOREVER!

SUZETTE IS DIAGNOSED WITH STAGE IV LUNG CANCER 

It wasn't really lung cancer - the cancer was between her rib-cage and lung but had wrapped itself around the aorta from the heart which made it in-operable.  

She had gone in a few days earlier for a routine office appointment for pain in her shoulder.

 October 4, 2010 

Dave and Suzette celebrate Mickey and my 52nd anniversary

 October 16

Dave and Suzette have just returned from Bethesda, Maryland.

Her Oncologist had sent her there hoping she might qualify for a new experimental drug they were testing.  

She did not.

This is the last picture of her with her own hair.
   

 December 2nd

Taken at her home as we were preparing to take her for a CT Scan

Didn't she do a great job in selecting a wig that looked so natural.  People were not even aware it was a wig.

 December 17th

Out for a bite to eat, with Marc, Mickey and I after her chemo treatment.  She became very ill, we left immediately and she rode laying down in the backseat as we took her home.

 Celebrating our 4 December birthdays -2010

Suzette's the 13th

Jacque's the 22nd

Jessica's the 23rd

Susan's the 25th

Suzette's last birthday - age 56

Christmas 2010 at our house

Suzette was very sick and almost didn't make it

She always put on a good face and never complained.
Note she has on a jacket, she was always cold.

 January 2011

Taken at her home just before we took her for another CT scan

February 3rd

 At her beloved nephew Aric's 12th Birthday
She was so sick this day they almost didn't come, but you can see when she did she was enjoying herself and laughing.

The last time Suzette was ever out of her home, except for the chemo and Dr. appointments was in March, 2011 for Benny's Birthday.  Again, she was very ill.  It was the last picture I have of her and her Jacque but I could not locate it for this post.

April 1st 

Suzette and I attended a Cancer seminar at Cassia Hall.

It was a wonderful time you can read about it by clicking on the link.
Unfortunately I did not take my camera.
This was truly a final gift from God for Suzette and I.  We enjoyed the morning sessions and activities and we choose to eat lunch out on the patio in the sunshine of this beautiful day.  We left right after lunch, and did not stay for the afternoon session, because Suzette was feeling badly, but we did stop for our final ice cream cone on the way home at McD's.  We went through the drive-in and sat in the car with the windows down talking and sharing.  

April 22nd, 2012
Suzette is put in the hospital

April 29th
Suzette is released from the hospital 7 days later

May 8th is Mother's Day.
All the children are going to attend church with me.
We are all here waiting for her and Dave to arrive.
Dave brings Suzette in her wheel-chair, wheels her in the front room and she says:  "Mom I wanted to go with you so bad today and I'm too sick and can't but I had to come here today to see you and tell you."

Mother's Day - May 8th

May 11th

3 days later Hospice is call in.  Suzette sits on the couch in her living room, with us, talking to the hospice representative.  At the end she says, "I'm tired and need to rest."  We help her to her bed.  She never again is out of her bed.  

May 19, 2011

11:30 p.m.

Suzette goes to Heaven 

She fought her battle for 7 months and 21 days, a total of 234 days.

She was brave to the fault.

She never complained and she never asked "why me" very much.

She lived 57 years, 5 months and 6 day.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:16

The cross, with a tear drop, I wear around my neck daily was given to me by son, Marc, the first Christmas without her, 2012.

The Reunion Heart

Since Heaven has become your home

I sometimes feel I'm so alone;

and though we now are far apart

You hold a big piece of my heart.

I never knew how much I'd grieve

When it was time for you to leave.

Or just how much my heart would ache

From that one fragment you would take.

God let's this tender hole remain

Reminding me we'll meet again,

And one day all the pain will cease

When He restores this missing piece.

He'll turn to joy my every tear,

And when I wear this necklace near

It will become my simple way

To treasure our Reunion Day.

*******

No parents should ever have to bury their child. 

The one good thing I can say about our daughter's cancer, actually all who are stricken with cancer, it gives you time.  In the 7 months and  21 days from diagnosis to death there was not one thing unsaid that needed to be said, and all her wishes were carried out to a T by both Mickey & I.  We were with her most of those days and we savored each and every moment together, even in the pain and agony because we knew how short time was.

  

We are all GRATEFUL for those 7 months.

We are UNGRATEFUL for her not being here now and miss her terribly.

  We are GRATEFUL for the hope and truth that we will one day be together again.

*******

You never know how much time you, or your loved ones have.

Use every day wisely and treasure them as the gifts they are.

Last Family Photo

Missing son, David & Granddaughter, Jessica

and our beloved Suzette

BRING IT ON - 2012

For as long as I can remember, I've loved the start of a brand new, fresh page year.  This could never be more true than this year.  To say that 2011 was one of the most difficult years I, and my family, have had to walk through would be an understatement.  No parent should have to bury their own child.....but we did. 

Now, we get to start a New Year with everyone well.  We learned a lot in 2011 about keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus and keeping our faith strong, even when things didn't turn out as we had prayed.  To trust God's love and faithfulness to us, even when His perfect will seems so imperfect to our earthly selves.  One thing I know for sure, Heaven is more real to me today than it has ever been.

SO - bring it on 2012 I'm ready for any and all challenges you have for me and will deal with them with FERVENCY (the word God gave me for 2012), trusting in my Lord & Savior and the wonderful Triune God we serve.   

BEING REAL

This is the one year anniversary of the 2nd worse day in my life - September 28, 2010 when our beloved oldest daughter, Suzette,  was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer.

I struggled a little bit each day last week as we were approaching this day and I shed tears.

I was actually dreading today because I was afraid I'd wake up today and completely fall apart.  Surprisingly enough I did not and in fact I woke up and was keenly aware that this was a new year and to truly rejoice that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, where Suzette is and how glorious happy she is and that the last thing she would want any of us to be doing is mourning for her.

Suzette & Dave, at dinner with Mickey & I as we celebrated our 52nd Anniversary, October 4, 2010, 8 days after her diagnosis.

Yes, we miss her terribly and I know the Holidays this year will be difficult and that we will always have that empty place in our lives and at our table ...... but I also know that some day we will join her in that glorious place with our Lord and Savior. 

WE LOVE YOU, HONEY

and

WE MISS YOU

and 

WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.  

HIS TAPESTRY - GOD'S WAYS AND PLANS and not our own

Joining in once again with Spiritual Sundays.  Go here to read other inspiring and spiritual posts or to participate.
As most of you know our beloved, beautiful, vivacious, wonderful daughter, Suzette, lost her 7 1/2 month l-o-n-g battle with cancer on May 19th at 11:30 p.m. and went to Heaven to be with her Lord & Savior. 

We read the quote below on Sunday morning, May 22nd, two days before her memorial service on May 24th.  It spoke so to our hearts but it has taken me until now to be able to blog this.  

"If you are going through a time of isolation, seemingly all alone, read John 17. It will explain exactly why you are where you are - because Jesus has prayed that you "may be one" with the Father as He is. ... God is not concerned about our plans; He doesn't ask, "Do you want to go through this loss of a loved one, this difficulty, or this defeat?" No, He allows these things for His own purpose. The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, and nobler men and women, or they are making us more critical and fault-finding, and more insistent on our own way." My Utmost for His Highest ~ Oswald Chambers - May 22, 2011.

Above everything or anything in life I trust my Lord & Savior and my wonderful Triune God.  I am glad He gave me this reminder in the midst of the worst 5 days of our lives. 

Yes, Jesus prayer is that we "may be one" with the Father and God IS going to see that prayer fulfilled.  And NO, He does not ask, or even want, our opinion but He will and does allow things for HIS plans & purposes. 

I have, for a lot of years, viewed my life as a tapestry that The Lord is weaving.  When I look at it from my view point (the earthly side) I often see nothings but a big mess of knots, threads running askew with no rhyme or reason, and certainly nothing beautiful or very desirous to see. 

My earthly view

 But I trust Him because He is the master weaver and weaves only beautiful tapestries and it is He who is weaving my story (and yours too, if are His).

His Heavenly View

I deliberately picked a very simple design because I know He has much to add before He is finished with me!!

Yes, the things I go through are making me sweeter, better and more noble IF I will but remain in His pliable hands and not rebel against the potters wheel or the burning fire, which ever means He chooses to use in creating my tapestry.

The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, and nobler men and women, or they are making us more critical and fault-finding, and more insistent on our own way."

I have, do and will continue to trust you - God - Jesus - Holy Spirit!

Lead on Oh King Eternal.

  

DIFFICULT TIMES

Marc drove to St. Louis (1/2 way) to pick up Oksana on June 4th.  We could not believe how much 12 year old Aric had grown these past 6 months and is now taller than his 16 year old sister.  You can see his big grin of satisfaction.

 Marc will be taking Oksana back to St. Louis (1/2 way) this Sunday, July 10th.  We met the 3 of them Friday, at Friday's!!!!. to share lunch with them and say good--bye to Oksana.  She is returning to live with her mom.

 Aric will be going to stay with his mom for 2 weeks, but thankfully will be back with his dad and us soon.  It's difficult for Marc and Mickey and I to have had Oksana here only 5 weeks so far this year.  Such is the plight of divorce.

Today Mickey and I finally conquered another difficult task that we had discussed with Dave and needed to do but had been putting off.  We called Dave about picking up some China and Crystal that we had given Suzette.  He answered the phone and was in Dallas (aren't cell phones wonderful? !!!) but he said to feel free to go over and get the items so we did.

This is the first time we'd been to their house since the day after Suzette's memorial service on May 24th when we went to clear out all her clothes, but I was still numb that day.  Today I was not numb, as I've been dealing with her no longer being with us for 7 weeks and 2 days.

Walking into that house, with everything exactly as she had fixed it and decorated it, without her being there was almost more than I could bare.  But life goes on and we must face reality as painful as it sometimes is.  I sobbed and bawled my eyes out for some minutes and then we got to the task at hand. 

We had given Suzette this 36 pc set of Rose China - Japan - in this Rose Villa 3912 pattern when she was 19!!!  36 years ago!!!

The set was service for 8: dinner plates, soup dishes, bread and butter plates, and cups.  Also a serving dish, platter and creamer and sugar bowl set.  It is trimmed in silver.

I had a 12 serving pieces set of 8 different crystal pieces.  When Suzette and Dave married, on Valentines 1994, I had given her 4 pieces of the 8 different sizes of crystal.

Here I am putting the very last piece into the storage box.  We plan to give this china and crystal to one of Suzette's 2 nieces(Jessica or Oksana)  or nephew (Aric) as a heirloom from her.

Two other items we also packed away were: (1) a flowered cup and saucer set that had belonged to Mickey's mother and (2) a ceramic teapot, 4 plates and 4 cups that I had made YEARS ago.

Another milestone and big hurdle out of our way.  It feels good and the best part of all......we know Suzette is smiling down on us!!!!  We love you honey and miss you sooooooooo much, but we WILL see you again soon.

TRYING TO ANSWER "WHY?" and DEALING WITH PAIN

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."  C.S. Lewis

I had copied this quote down some time ago (wish I had dated it!) and this morning as I was pasting another quote onto that page this JUMPED out at me.  Nor do I know how long ago C.S. Lewis penned those words.  What I do know: no words could, at the moment, better express my thoughts and feelings as I try and reconcile my strong faith and belief in my Triune God and His Written Word and the pain I am feeling with my precious Suzette being taken to Heaven at this time.

I KNOW that God's plans and purposes are perfect and that He desires nothing but good and the best for His beloved body, of which I am a part.  I also know, as one of the condolence cards I received so aptly said, that when I get to Heaven I will no longer ask "why" but say only two words, "of course". 

I also KNOW that it is totally foolish to even ask "why" because that is the one question God never answers.  Even when Christ asked "why have you forsaken me" on that Cross.....no answer came from God.   Yet as human beings we always seem to not only ask "why" but believe somewhere, some place, some how we will get an answer!!

Yes, God's best for me at this time is undoubtedly THE most painful thing I've ever been called upon to go through, and yet I do and will trust. 

How could I not when I serve such a God and have seen His hand, direction and work in my life these many long 73 years?



HE MAKETH NO MISTAKE

This morning this little poem, which I have carried for YEARS, fell out of my Bible onto the floor.  It truly was No Mistake and I felt the need to share it here for you.  One of the words and comfort I received during the 4 day Holy Ghost conference I just attended at Prayer Mountain in the Ozarks was that Suzette went home to the Lord because the work God intended for her to accomplish has been accomplish.  I know that is true, and while she was in the hospital she confirmed that truth to me.  Then today, this little 2 1/4" by 4" poem falls out of my Bible!!!

HE MAKETH NO MISTAKE

My Father's way may twist and turn,

My heart may throb and ache,

But in my soul I'm glad I know,

He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,

My hopes may fade away,

But still I'll trust my Lord to lead,

For He doth know the way.

Tho night be dark and it may seem,

That day will never break,

I'll pin my faith, my all in Him,

He maketh no mistake.

There's so much now I cannot see,

My eyesight far too dim,

But come what may, I'll simply trust

And leave it all to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift,

And plain it all He'll make,

Through all the way, tho dark to me,

He made not one mistake. 

SISTER'S - Suzette & Jacque

I always said it was like having twins the hard way!  Sisters separated by only 1 year and 9 days in birth.

 The very last picture ever taken of Suzette was this one on March 6, 2011 at the Rib Crib when the family celebrated Benny's birthday. I honored her request not to take pictures in the hospital or after she got home and was so ill.  Suzette and I were the ones who organized all our "get together" times and various holiday celebrations.  It was Suzette who wanted us to get together to celebrate Benny's birthday (she was getting so ill we were going to skip it this year.)

 Suzette meeting her baby sister for the first time, December, 1955.

 Jacque and Suzette at their maternal Grandma and Grandpa Errett's house in Santa Fe, NM. 

 Another picture taken at Grandma and Grandpa Errett's.  The girls loved and adored them.

 Mickey, Pauline and Henry Errett, Suzette and Jacque.  Mickey and I had just returned from our honeymoon in October, 1958.  The girls were 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old.

 Suzette and Jacque in the front yard of our home in Albuquerque.

 From the candles you can see it's Jacque's 2nd and Suzette's 3rd Birthday.

 Grandma Errett was a wonderful seamstress and made adorable outfits for Suzette and Jacque.

 Our adorable girls!

 Clowing around.

 Taken at our home in Denver, Jacque was 7 and Suzette 8.

 Probably Easter Sunday in Denver 1963.

 Always doing everything together.

 Adding new baby brother - 11 1/2 - 2 - 10 1/2.  Easter Sunday after we moved to our new house in Tulsa.

 Dance recital time.

Taken October 4, 1988 when Mickey and I renewed our vows at 30 years.  Suzette age 33, and Jacque 32.

These two sisters were so very close.  Jacque says, "I not only lost my sister but my very best friend."  She did.

Our family has lost a jewell, but Heaven has gained an Angel!!!