Our Funny Language #III

The following comments are from a teacher who taught English to foreign students.

HEY! WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!

dO MY TEENAGE STUDENTS get WHAT i SAY, OR DOES MY LANGUARE throw them for a loop?

These colloquialisms make no literal sense to very literal language learners and I CATCH MYSELF using them.

On CHECH-INN day they are told to SIGN UP and CHECK IN with the registrar. The nurse will CHECK OVER your immunization records. She'll CHECK OFF the shots you've had and CHECK your eyes and ears.

The counselor will CHECK your transcript and CHECK WITH your former school to get your records. CHECK IN with him for an appointment. While your waiting CHECK THROUGH the Course Selection Guide and CHECK OFF the courses you might be interest in. CHECK carefully


Oh, CHECK IT OUT! We have a new international student! He's the one in the CHECKED shirt. Maybe He's a CZECH!

CHECK IN with me if you need help. I'll CHECK UP ON you in a day or so. I hope you don't mine this system of CHECKS AND BALANCES.

Fast forward to a typical day in the classroom.

Good morning, class! HAND IN your work before the bell rings, and RAISE YOUR HAND if you have questions. I don't want to GET ON YOUR BACK, but I expect this assignment to go HAND IN HAND with the other ones. Remember, always PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD. As high school students it's important to STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET. And don't be TONGUE-TIED! Don't just WRING YOUR HANDS and stay at ARM'S LENGTH from help. STICK YOUR NECK OUT when you need help. Help is always AT YOUR FINGERTIPS.

CHIN UP! Don't worry about having EGG ON YOUR FACE. Our scores put us NECK AND NECK with our rival schools. If you put your NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE, you'll never have TO LIVE FROM HAND TO MOUTH and people won't RAISE THEIR EYEBROWS when they see your scores. (They should KEEP THEIR NOSES OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS, anyway.) In this country, the best learners use a lot of ELBOW GREASE. I hope you will too. I'd GIVE AN ARM AND A LEG to start all over again.

So, I'll HAND OUT the work and you'll HAND IT BACK IN tomorrow. I've got to HAND IT TO YOU for even trying to study in English. Keep your HEAD ABOVE WATER and hold your head high. Good luck.

Our Funny Language #II

Yes, let's face it - English is a crazy language! Here are a few more items of note.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes we find; that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds & ends and get rid of all but one what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm goes off by going on

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

One last one - Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway?

Have a blessed day.

Our Funny Language

Cleaning out files, which I am still involved with, is uncovering some unique items I'd forgotten about so I'll share another one today with you. Really makes you think.......try reading them out loud and they become tongue twisters.

This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy lauguage.

Lets have some fun with this now and see if any of you, out there in blog land, can add to our list.