MARKING TIME

 Suzette and I - 2007

Celebrating our December Birthdays

Me 70 - Suzette 53

Christmas 2008

This was my "silly gift" to the girls. 

Suzette - Oksana - Jessica - Jacque - Susan 

October 2008 - In Oklahoma City during Mickey's Heart Bi-Pass

We were so worried about him having this procedure at age 75

 Our last official family portraits - December 2008

 Christmas 2009

The shirts were Suzette's little gift for the girls.

Susan - Suzette - Jessica - Oksana - Jacque

(the girl on the end was a friend of Jessica's that joined us)

SEPTEMBER 28, 2010

The day this family would be changed FOREVER!

SUZETTE IS DIAGNOSED WITH STAGE IV LUNG CANCER 

It wasn't really lung cancer - the cancer was between her rib-cage and lung but had wrapped itself around the aorta from the heart which made it in-operable.  

She had gone in a few days earlier for a routine office appointment for pain in her shoulder.

 October 4, 2010 

Dave and Suzette celebrate Mickey and my 52nd anniversary

 October 16

Dave and Suzette have just returned from Bethesda, Maryland.

Her Oncologist had sent her there hoping she might qualify for a new experimental drug they were testing.  

She did not.

This is the last picture of her with her own hair.
   

 December 2nd

Taken at her home as we were preparing to take her for a CT Scan

Didn't she do a great job in selecting a wig that looked so natural.  People were not even aware it was a wig.

 December 17th

Out for a bite to eat, with Marc, Mickey and I after her chemo treatment.  She became very ill, we left immediately and she rode laying down in the backseat as we took her home.

 Celebrating our 4 December birthdays -2010

Suzette's the 13th

Jacque's the 22nd

Jessica's the 23rd

Susan's the 25th

Suzette's last birthday - age 56

Christmas 2010 at our house

Suzette was very sick and almost didn't make it

She always put on a good face and never complained.
Note she has on a jacket, she was always cold.

 January 2011

Taken at her home just before we took her for another CT scan

February 3rd

 At her beloved nephew Aric's 12th Birthday
She was so sick this day they almost didn't come, but you can see when she did she was enjoying herself and laughing.

The last time Suzette was ever out of her home, except for the chemo and Dr. appointments was in March, 2011 for Benny's Birthday.  Again, she was very ill.  It was the last picture I have of her and her Jacque but I could not locate it for this post.

April 1st 

Suzette and I attended a Cancer seminar at Cassia Hall.

It was a wonderful time you can read about it by clicking on the link.
Unfortunately I did not take my camera.
This was truly a final gift from God for Suzette and I.  We enjoyed the morning sessions and activities and we choose to eat lunch out on the patio in the sunshine of this beautiful day.  We left right after lunch, and did not stay for the afternoon session, because Suzette was feeling badly, but we did stop for our final ice cream cone on the way home at McD's.  We went through the drive-in and sat in the car with the windows down talking and sharing.  

April 22nd, 2012
Suzette is put in the hospital

April 29th
Suzette is released from the hospital 7 days later

May 8th is Mother's Day.
All the children are going to attend church with me.
We are all here waiting for her and Dave to arrive.
Dave brings Suzette in her wheel-chair, wheels her in the front room and she says:  "Mom I wanted to go with you so bad today and I'm too sick and can't but I had to come here today to see you and tell you."

Mother's Day - May 8th

May 11th

3 days later Hospice is call in.  Suzette sits on the couch in her living room, with us, talking to the hospice representative.  At the end she says, "I'm tired and need to rest."  We help her to her bed.  She never again is out of her bed.  

May 19, 2011

11:30 p.m.

Suzette goes to Heaven 

She fought her battle for 7 months and 21 days, a total of 234 days.

She was brave to the fault.

She never complained and she never asked "why me" very much.

She lived 57 years, 5 months and 6 day.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:16

The cross, with a tear drop, I wear around my neck daily was given to me by son, Marc, the first Christmas without her, 2012.

The Reunion Heart

Since Heaven has become your home

I sometimes feel I'm so alone;

and though we now are far apart

You hold a big piece of my heart.

I never knew how much I'd grieve

When it was time for you to leave.

Or just how much my heart would ache

From that one fragment you would take.

God let's this tender hole remain

Reminding me we'll meet again,

And one day all the pain will cease

When He restores this missing piece.

He'll turn to joy my every tear,

And when I wear this necklace near

It will become my simple way

To treasure our Reunion Day.

*******

No parents should ever have to bury their child. 

The one good thing I can say about our daughter's cancer, actually all who are stricken with cancer, it gives you time.  In the 7 months and  21 days from diagnosis to death there was not one thing unsaid that needed to be said, and all her wishes were carried out to a T by both Mickey & I.  We were with her most of those days and we savored each and every moment together, even in the pain and agony because we knew how short time was.

  

We are all GRATEFUL for those 7 months.

We are UNGRATEFUL for her not being here now and miss her terribly.

  We are GRATEFUL for the hope and truth that we will one day be together again.

*******

You never know how much time you, or your loved ones have.

Use every day wisely and treasure them as the gifts they are.

Last Family Photo

Missing son, David & Granddaughter, Jessica

and our beloved Suzette

TREASURE - On Earth & in Heaven

Tomorrow (May 19th)is the 2nd year anniversary of our Suzette's departure to Heaven. I have been struggling this past week and in tears many times.

Friday night our son, Marc, called to invite us to meet him and Grandson Aric at Egg It On for breakfast Saturday morning.  We met at 8:30, enjoyed a wonderful meal & time together and then they came over to the house to check out something on Mickey's on-line X-Box Golf Game.

At least that was the pretense~~~because after they had been here awhile Marc pulled this out of his pocket with, "I know what tomorrow is, Mom, and I wanted to get you this charm for your bracelet."

A beautiful woven silver charm for my PanDora to represent our family "woven together" in love and eternity.

Of course the tears were falling before I could even get it open.  I am so thankful for the treasure of my children and yes, even one leaving us prematurely can never break the unity of this family that God has "woven together".

Suzette, you are so greatly missed by ALL of us,

"But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope."  I Thessalonians 4:13 

Yes, this family has love and this family has hope and I'll see you again, Suzette. 

ABOUT THE RAPTURE

This was a devotional I read this morning and was so very good I felt I needed to share it here:

"We tell you this directly from the Lord."

I Thessalonians 4:15 NLT

WHEN A BELIEVER DIES

What Paul wrote about death, he got directly from the Lord: "We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died."  The Lord reserves this high privilege exclusively for those who die in Him: they will be the first to experience the resurrection.  Try to imagine that moment.  Arising from their rest like we do after a good night's sleep, now dressed in Christ-like bodies, they awake to the sight of their Lord returning in glory with His angels.  They meet Him-the first believers to witness His return, the initial wing of His airborne vanguard to escort Him back to earth.  This is no pipe dream or mere fantasy Paul got it "directly from the Lord."  Our source is unimpeachable!  He writes: (1)"Together with them, we which are alive..will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air" (vs17 NLT).  Living believers will rise to join with resurrected brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, children, grandchildren, spouses, friends, family of God Never-met-before, in a spectacular mid-air reunion with Christ. We'll be together, inseparable, eternal, one international, multicultural, love-based, Christ-centered family! (2)"Then we will be with the Lord forever" (vs17 NLT).  No speculating or imagining what He's really like, "For we will see him as he really is (1Jn 3:2 NLT).  We will see, touch and talk with Jesus as we do each other.  And He will respond to us in real time! (3) "Encourage each other with these word" (1 Thessolonians 4:18 NLT)

Copied fromThe Word For You Today daily devotional

This brings great delight to my heart as I think of our precious Suzette and all our other relatives and friends who left this earth before us.  What a well deserved blessing they have earned.

A 2 Z Challenge - B = BRENDA & BLESSING

B is definitely for BRENDA and her B.E. Creative Co. and the BLESSING that we received from her.

Our history: Mickey & I meet Brenda, her husband Sunny and her youngest daughter Grace, back in October 2008 when we went to Flagstaff to celebrate our 50th Anniversay.  At the time our blog connection had not been very long and since then Brenda, and family, has moved to Colorado.  Over these past 4 years of blogging Brenda has become one of those I have developed a very close relationship with.   Shortly after our beloved Suzette went to Heaven Brenda contacted me and said she wanted to gift Mickey & I with one of her precious Memory Books she makes and asked me to send her pictures, personal information and various items pertaining to Suzette and her life.

Last Thursday this precious BLESSING arrived at our house.  Isn't it just so like God that it "happened" to arrive on August 2nd, the birthday of our youngest son, Marc.  An honor to our oldest child, Suzette, arriving on the BD of our youngest child.  God never ceases to amaze me in all the minute details HE does for us.

I, nor my camera, are very good and my pictures do not do this treasure justice but I have tried my best to capture it all here.

In Memory of Jeri Suzette Joyce Stevens - !2-13-54/5-19-11

The front of the book depicts the beautiful sterling silver heart I wear around my neck in honor of Suzette.  It was my birthday gift from son Marc on December 25, 2011.  The locket has a tear on it and came with this poem. 

 Since Heaven has become your home

I sometimes feel I’m so alone;
And though we now are far apart
You hold a big piece of my heart.

I never knew how much I’d grieve
When it was time for you to leave,
Or just how much my heart would ache
From that one fragment you would take.

God let’s this tender hole remain
Reminding me we’ll meet again,
And one day all the pain will cease
When He restores this missing piece.
He’ll turn to joy my every tear,
And when I wear this necklace near
It will become my simple way
To treasure our Reunion Day.

Page 1:  Me holding her "In Mommy's arms December 13, 1954.  Around the picture "Our mother is the safe place we run to.  Her love and faith in us defines who we are.  How can we help but love her?"

Suzette sticking her finger in her 1 year birthday cake - reads "A daughter is one of the most bautiful gifts the world has to give. " 

Page 2:  Depicts family.  A picture of Suzette & Jacque, ages 2 & 3, in front of a picture of their grandmother & grandfather Errett and me.  The picture in the lower part of opposite page is the last picture taken of ALL of us with Grandmother Errett before her death.  Christmas, 1982 - Susan, Marc, Mickey, Grandmother Errett, Suzette, David, Jacque.   Behind that is another picture taken when Marc was a baby - 1970:  Suzette, David, Marc, Jacque.

Page 3:  Early school picture 1962-63 age 7 and high school graduation picture 1971 age 17.

Page 4:  Music of Amazing Grace the one she requested be sung at her memorial services.  The verse from Psalm 112:6-8 Speaking of the righteous...He will have no fear of bad new; his heart is steadfast trusting in the Lord.  His heart is secure he will have no fear, in the end he will triumph on his foes.  This is the verse we gave Suzette on 9-28-10 the day she was first diagnosed with cancer. 

Page 5:  A little packet with a copy of the letter Suzette's nephew Aric wrote to her and was read to her on the evening of May 19, 1911.  

The hand written note:  Dear Suzette, It's me, Aric, this is one of the few letters I've written.  Please take your time to read this.  You see, we all care for you.  You're really a great aunt and we all pray for you.  Treasure this and please remember we're all there for you.  It would take a miracle to survive, so please let this letter go to your heart and treasure it always.  Love you so very much, Your nephew, Aric Joyce (Age's age was 12)
The opposite page is a little sheer fabric envelope with a piece of the yarn from the prayer shawl I had made as a Christmas gift for all my children for Christmas 2010 but pulled off the shelf and took to Suzette, along with the above verse on that May 19th evening. Inside is a picture of the prayer shawl with the 3 verses, Jeremiah 31:16-17 - Psalm 33:11 - Proverbs 22:6.

*******************

Page 6:  SISTERS -Oh no!!!  I failed to post the picture on this one.  It is the young 4 & 3 year old picture of them above, a picture of them taken at Mickey & my 30th Wedding Renewal on October 4, 1988, and the last picture of Jacque & Suzette ever taken together in March of 2011,

*******************

Page 7:  Picture of Dave & Suzette, taken at Aric's birthday party, February 3, 2011 which has a heart reading "Dave & Suzette - February 14, 1994" which was their marriage date.
Top of the page:  Family picture of Dave, Susan, Marc, Mickey & Suzette taken in December, 1996 and the lower picture of  Dave, Aric, Suzette & Marc, also taken February 3, 2011.

Page 8:  Christmas pictures:  2008: Suzette, Oksana, Jessica, Jacque, Susan & 2010 Jacque, Jessica, Susan & Suzette in our "BELIEVE" birthday T-shirts.

Page 9:  A beautiful etching of Suzette's face by Brenda with the words "My Father is the safe place I've run to.  His love and faith in me has defined who I am." and on the opposite side "How can I help but love Him?"

The back cover:  In Daddy's arms May 19, 2011

This beautiful Memory Book came in this lovely wicker box and is a treasure and future family heirloom that is be on our coffee table.

Mickey & I wept as we opened this box and looked at each precious page of memories on August 2nd and I've been weeping as I've written this post.  Such a sweet, precious, priceless gift of love and sacrifice on Brenda's part.

Yes - BRENDA & BLESSING  are my B's.  I love you and I thank you sweet Brenda.  You will never know what this has meant to not only Mickey & I but our family. 

Beautiful Flowers In Remembrance

These beautiful flowers arrived  May 19, 2012 from #1 Son David, from San Francisco in remembrance of his sister, Suzette.

Card Reads: 

Love you Mom,

David & Karin

REMEMBERING SUZETTE

Enjoy every precious moment and time together.

I am SOOO thankful that Suzette & I had so many just she and I. I'm so thankful that we've always been so close as a family and have always truly loved each other and shared all the special occasions together.  

Those memories are precious treasurers to cherish.

**********

My life is but a weaving between my God and me,

I do not choose the colors, He works so steadily,

Oft' times He weaves in sorrow, and I in foolish pride,

Forget He sees the upper,

and I the underside.  Corrie Ten Boom

I can honestly say I never forgot for one minute, since her diagnosis and her going to heaven, that we were seeing only the underside and I trust HIM and HIS plans & purposes for now & beyond into eternity.

I was given not only one but two beautiful, lovely daughters,

Jeri Suzette & Jacqueline Renee 1 year and 9 days apart.

Suzette - December 13, 1954 - May 19, 2011

Suzette you are so loved and so sorely missed 

but I will see you again and spend eternity with you.

HOW DOES ONE MEASURE PAIN?

I for one don't know.  I once read, "Pain and happiness are like gas, and fill and consume every square inch of available space."  That is the way I feel today -- one year ago, on a bright, beautiful, sunny Saturday, my precious Suzette and I attended an all day Cancer Seminar.

It began with all of us meeting in the auditorium of the lovely private school and listening to the main speakers.  One of the comments that was made was something about "Some of you who were here last year have lost your loved ones this past year." and "Some of you here today will not be here next year."  Suzette and I both wiped the tears, as we silently wondered if that would be us.  I, as I was doing, steadfastly refused to even entertain the notion that Suzette would not lick the diagnosis of her Stage IV Lung Cancer.

After this initial meeting in the auditorium we broke up and went into various class rooms where different topics were being discussed and where some hands on art projects were being done.  I think we attended 3 of these and had a wonderful, carefree time in each.  We laughed and shared with others at the tables as we worked on our projects.

Then it was lunch time, and instead of going into the cafeteria for our noon meal, Suzette and I elected to get the lovely, prepared boxed lunches and go outside and sit on a park bench amid the beautiful blooming flowers and the bright, clear skies and warm fresh air

Just the day before, on Friday, Suzette had gotten the news that the cancer had spread to "3 small places in her spine" and these would, and could, be treated with radiation.  We were not happy with this news, but neither were we allowing it to bust our BELIEF in her victory.

After lunch Suzette went into the restroom and when she came back outside she said she thought it would be best we not stay for the afternoon session but go on home as she was getting tired.  I offered to go get the car and pick her up, but she insisted in walking the distance to where the car was parked.

On our drive taking her back to her home we stopped at McDonalds, ordered an ice cream cone from the drive-in window, and sat in the car, with the windows down, still enjoying the beautiful day and our time with each other, as we ate our cones.

Little did we realize, as we both enjoyed this wonderful day and our time with each other that it would be the last "truly PLEASANT" lovely day we would ever spend together.  On we spent the next 29 days of April & 19 days of May together EACH and EVERY day:  going for the radiation treatments, going to the Dr. appointments, just being together at her home each day and her spending a week in the hospital, and mostly talking, and talking, and TALKING, and sharing, and sharing, and SHARING.

On Sunday morning, May 15th, which was Mother's Day and all the kids were coming to church with Mickey & I - Dave wheeled Suzette into our living room about a 1/2 hour before time to go to church.  She was sooo sick, and she said, "I wanted so badly to do this today, Mother." but it was impossible.  The next day, Monday, upon arriving at her home early that morning Mickey & I talked to Dave about our wanting to cover her with the prayer shawl (which I had given her on September 28, 2010, the day she was diagnosed) and pray for her and anoint her with oil.   He gave us permission to do so and he went into the back yard.  That was when Mickey & I both finally submitted to the Sovereign will of God for her life, as well as ours.  On Wednesday, May 18th, with Jacque sitting on one side of her bed and me on the other, I had the privilege of reading aloud to her the introduction and the first 2 Chapters of Heaven Is Real.

When Mickey & I left her home at 7 p.m. on Thursday evening, May 19th, we knew the end was close.  We kissed her good bye.  About 9:30 we called to check on her and Dave said she had just rallied and wanted to talk to us.......she could barely talk but we could hear her whispered "I love you", as we told her for the bazillionth time that we loved her.  At 11:30 we received the call from Dave.  Suzette had gone to Heaven.     

I am thankful for April 1, 2011 and the wonderful day Suzette and I were blessed to enjoy.  Had either of us dreamed it would be our last such carefree, blessed day, we would not have enjoyed it as we did.  God in His mercy is good to not always show us what the marrow will bring.

HAPPY DAYS:

December 1998 - David had just returned and this was the reunion.  Jacque was missing as she was in Florida

(left to right) Suzette, Oksana, Jessica, Jacque, Susan (3 generations) Christmas 2008 and my SILLY gift socks for all of us and wearing our Joyful T-shirts Suzette had given all of us.

Today, April 1, 2012 the pain sometimes is almost all consuming BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL AND I KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT WE WILL ALL BE TOGETHER AGAIN SOME DAY & I KNOW SUZETTE IS SMILING DOWN AT US AND SAYING, "Don't cry, Mom, just keep doing what you're doing!"  I will honey, I will and I'll see ya!!!!!!
.

NO TEARS IN HEAVEN

  This is a counted cross stitch peace I did back in the late 80's and it hangs in our main bathroom here at our home.  I did this piece during a period when I was healing from a great hurt and shedding a lot of tears and it brought me comfort at that time.

Since our beloved Suzette left us 6 months ago today (May 19th) I look each day at this PROMISE from the Living Word and it brings comfort to know Suzette is in a place where she is not shedding any tears!!  Our oldest son, David, made reference to this on the phone to me the other day and spoke of thinking about how much it meant to him that hangs there and made such an impact that he hadn't really thought about until now. 

More importantly, it is an encouragement to be happy and enjoy the life I have: my wonderful husband, Mickey, the children and grandchildren, my wonderful church, the ministries I am involved in, my many friends.  Just the wonderful life God allows me to live, day in and day out, in spite of the worse loss imaginable, that of a child. 

Since there are no tears in Heaven and we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses it becomes doubly important to me that Suzette is looking down with great happiness, watching and observing all I am doing.  I know that this will not be possible if I am sad or crying because that would make her cry and there are no tears in Heaven!!!!

So I CHOOSE, you know it is a choice, to be happy and grateful for the years I had to be her mother here on earth and the eternity I will spend with her in Heaven.

THERE ARE NO TEARS IN HEAVEN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my girls!!!!

Today, December 13th, is my first daughter, Suzette, birthday.

December 22nd is my 2nd daughter, Jacque, birthday.

One year and 9 days daughter, Jacque, was born. I was 12 days from being 17 years old when Suzette was born - and 2 days from being 18 years old when Jacque was born.

As I began going through the old pictures (35mm slides in those days!!!) I began to realize how everything they did was always the TWO of them. I use to say, "It was like having twins the hard way."

Jacque 2 years old, Suzette 3 years old. Yes, we always had a joint birthday between the two dates.

They were 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 when Mickey & I married. Yes, I dressed them alike most of the time. These precious dresses were made for them by their Grandmother Errett.

I have no idea what? they were doing here, but you can see they were very intense about it. Maybe putting on gloves for church.

Playing dress-up at Grandma's with grandma's hats, purses, and clothes.

Suzette was 9 1/2 and Jacque 8 1/2 when their first brother, David, was born. They are 10 - 6 months - & 9 here.

Ready for a dance recital they were in at ages 11 & 10.

Easter 1965. I was 28, Suzette - 11 - Jacque 10 & David 1.

A Sunday morning 1965. We had just bought our first home in Tulsa and this was taken in front of a wall that came out from the garage.

With my father, their Grandpa Errett. This shows that first Tulsa home.

Jacque 1969 - 8th grade.

They were 15 1/2 and 16 1/2 when their second brother, Marc, was born.

Christmas 1970 - Mickey 38 - Susan 33 - Suzette 16 - Jacque 15 - David 6 - Marc 1

Cowgirl Suzette 1977

HAPPY - HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my TWO wonderful daughters. You are loved more than word can say and actions express.....but the heart KNOWS!!